thank god i am humble.

i am going to write a book.
i have decided. this summer.
it will be about me. because afterall, god has blessed me with the gift of pride, so i should use it before he takes that gift away!

:)

but the details are top-secret. i don't want any of you snakes trying to jack my grand ideas.
but all i know is that i have a dream of being a total and complete narcissist and now is the time for that dream to come to fruition!!!!

blessings.
amen.

diet food, high fives, and fortunes.

"what do you want for lunch today?"

"i want a fat steak" was my answer. what's so wrong with that? i have 31 days until i get to sit half naked in tahiti, and i want to look as protein-enriched as possibly.
[read: i am doing atkin's because that is a nice fast unhealthy and horrible way to drop 15 lbs FAST]

dad scrunched his face as though he completely disapproved of my choice. for the past 3 weeks i have wanted to get steak for lunch but he always wants stinkin el fenix.

"what's your beef with steak, dad? why do you hate it all of a sudden? i thought you were a MAYN. Aren't men supposed to love big chunks of flesh?"

"i am trying to lose weight" he says.

well, duh. that is my intent, too. just...he wants to do it the right way....you know...diet....exercise...
OVERRATED.

so considering dad not wanting steak, and my not wanting mexican food, and the ultimate goal of losing weight in our own little ways, we opt for the obvious:

Chinese Buffet.

although, that was a great choice for me because i have this will poewr thing that i found while on a church retreat last week...so i was able to get a small plate of various versions of grilled chicken and beef and broccoli...
dad was able to do his version of diet which included those little donuts things, egg drop soup, egg rolls, rice, different meats, some sort of orange stuff, and ice cream with two cookies and a banana covered in some sort of sauce....

so we are both happy. :)

the couple in the table next to us couldn't speak english and they had a little boy that was whining and crying the whole time apparantly wanting jello. but i can't tell because i didn't do so well in spanish in high school. all we did was color.

as the couple left, the little kid ran over to me and held up his hand for a high five, so i high fived him. then he held up his fist in a "sweet dude" fashion, so i bumped his fist and said "seweet dude" (that's what you are supposed to say when bumping fists you know) and then he ran off.
and that was it.

our entire conversation.

i was still laughing about it when the waiter brought out fortune cookies and i opened mine (didn't eat it) and read the fortune:

"universal communication is found in a smile"

but i disagree entirely. i didn't smile at that boy. he didn't smile at me, yet we had an entire conversation without words. so confuscious was wrong when he wrote my fortune,but i think he is a fraud. because where i come from, the universal language is found in a high five and "sweet dude".

I wanna go home

For three weeks...or has it been more than that? I have been living out of a suitcase at my parent's house. I haven't even been able to decide which room I want, so all of my clothes are sort of....scattered across the entire upstairs.

And isn't that how a female that is OCD and a control freak should live? With socks in the study, panties on the pool table, coats in the bathroom floor, and wedding dresses scattered between 2.5 bedrooms?

In the past 2 months, I have called 4 bedrooms mine. That isn't normal. but the worst of it is that those 4 bedrooms have been inside of only 2 houses.

I keep my toothbrush in a laundry basket, jewelry in my purse, shoes in my car, and well...it's a crapshoot where everything else is. Currently i can't even find lotion, and i moved in here with like...18 bottles.

After mistaking a roach for dead and having it spring to life all over my barefoot this morning while i was trying to pick it up with tissue, i started to get the idea that maybe i was ready to kick christopher out of my house and go back home. Honestly. i shouldn't have to live in squalor. i am an educated top heavy female. i should have servants!

but nooooooo. he is the one that actually has ONE closet. ONE bed. ONE bathroom. (and a nice one at that) and i get...a daybed that is too short, and the ability to whine and bitch and moan for apporximately....49 more days.

wait.

i get to whine? this is an AWESOME deal! rock on with your bad self soon to be husband/roomate. sleep alone while you still can. i will hop from bed to bed to bed for the next month and a half and you can't stop me! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAH Yes, bedroom i am cheating on you!

roll over, empty shoe box and pile of coat hangers. those sheets have been cold far too long!
but man...this bed is uncomfortable.