my husband, the biggest loser, cereal, and this weekend.

i love morning-time. i am home alone...the sound of 6 alarms going off...and a HUGE no...

GARGANTUAN!!!!!!!!

bowl of cereal while i play on the internet freely. it's veddy nice.
this morning, however, my cereal-internet-alone-alarmclock-time was interrupted by c who calls to say "have you ever seen the show 'the biggest loser'?"

now. let's preface this...c HATES, LOATHES, SHAKES WITH FURY at tv, let alone realty tv shows...and i of course know exactly what he is talking about when he asks if i know the show...but i was so interested in what he was getting at (and entertained) that i felt compelled to lie.

"no. what is that?"
"its a reality tv show where people get together and try to lose weight and diet and excersize and who ever loses the most, wins! it's a really cool show"
".....how did you hear about this?"
"so and so from work! he says his wife loves it, and that he has watched it a few times and it is really down to earth and a good show..."
"...ok"
"...so, they are having auditions in dallas..."
"you want me to go on tv and tell the whole world that i am fat?! i wanted to keep that a secret"
"nooooo. i want you to go on tv so america can fall in love with you!"
"honey, america wouldn't fall in love...they would realize what an evil bitch i am"
"that's the other option.."

i explained to c how difficult it would be for me to spend 6 weeks or whatever length of time being fake and pretending to be lovely, and how that would take a toll on who i am as a person, and would really go agaist everything that i hold dear:

cussing
eating big bowls of cereal
walking around naked
picking my nose
yelling at people
being lazy
and, of course, vindication.

and so...he is going to find out more about auditions.

........

wow...what a mess

so the house was re-tiled, finally. almost exactly one year since the tile eruption began, finally someone got off of their tooshie and chose to fix the problem. yay, and things.

because of the extensive gutting of the house that would take place, c and i pretty much obliterated the living areas...piled EVERYTHING into the guest room, office, and parlor...and turned our bedroom into a hotel...complete with wireless internet and incredible sheets. (for a hotel anyway).

one week and 2 weeks and 3 days later....the after-shock of the tile experience is still being felt...everytime i need to run to the ladies...and remember that the guest toilet is now making it's happy home in the bathtub...and also everytime i stub my toe on a baseboard that wasn't ripped off ofthe wall complete and juts out 6 inches.

and there is that whole random black smudge of a handprint every once in a while...on the walls. and ceiling. (which makes sense to me,too. i mean..get new flooring and a gratuitous handprint on you 15 ft ceiling. it's valid)

not to mention the bit where the front door no longer has a working threshold because the genius' broke three screws IN the slab and were not able to re-install that either...

it was pretty annoying that when i tried to hook my computer back up in the office after we started moving things back to their places..that not only is my computer on the verge of (another) crash....it no longer is powerful enough to have a conversation with the modem. so...we bought a new computer for me. (and...well...c got one too...which...is a whole 'nother story, really)

so now that i am completely up and running (save for the bathroom, the walls, the threshold, and the baseboards...) i uploaded images of the fun:

the BEFORE:

and, the AFTER (well..the after before the real after...):

and yes. that IS a wall-mount 42" flat screen tv hanging about a lovely west elm media unit.

i, too, am disappointed.